I should preface this post by saying that from the time I was born I felt I had a connection to Wolfgang Mozart. I could identify his music even before I knew his name. With that connection came, what appeared to me as a child, to be an overwhelming burden of responsibility. I was unable to deal with it back then. It seemed he had left everything in a terrible mess and I was too small to pick up the pieces. My birth parents were dangerously immature. I had no help, no support system. So I decided to, in effect, hide the gift I had been given and live a ‘normal’ childhood. That proved to be impossible, but that’s another story…
As a young adult, when my birth family situation became unbearable, I fled to school in the UK. I had numerous opportunities to travel to the continent, and did, on my sparse student budget. I vigorously refused to go to either Austria or Germany at that time, due to their horrible Nazi past. I refused to learn German. And I refused to have anything to do with the opera Die Zauberflote.
Looking back, I can say that the turning point in my relationship with “Monostatos” was when we decided to see the Bergman film of The Magic Flute. By that time, in shell shock having to deal with the attacks against me, and the targeting of my children, I didn’t really give much thought to the fact that I was taking a major step out of my comfort zone. But then, there it was. The horrible mother, who had a split personality — one charming, one vicious — the father in the background — the kidnapping to the frozen tundra of Minnesota, the three little children — all came into focus. I had felt all along that my perspective was different from that of others. At that time I began to realize that I felt I was living inside an opera and trying to explain to others what this reality entailed.
I was able to accept the burden of responsibility, and the pain it involved. I finally accepted the call, as the hero or heroine usually does, when all other alternatives have become unbearable or unavailable..
And I have been fighting ever since…:-)